It probably took her 40 minutes alone to get dressed, get in the car, fluff out her hair, drive to the beach, walk down to the water and get into that pose. And NOW you want her to meditate?
This won’t be a long one. It’s the day after Christmas on a Sunday morning in the middle of a resurgence of a pandemic that had never actually stopped surging but actually waited for our silly butts to pretend it had and then was like “Oh, y’all thought I was gone? Y’all thought you could ignore me? You’re cute.”
But I had to check in A) because the previous week’s craziness stopped me from doing so and I missed you guys and B) because just now sitting on the floor of a hotel suite with a blissfully sleeping child in the other room, I came across something that, on its surface, seemed like an interesting suggestion. It also seemed like one more rich people thing that doesn’t translate to most of us struggling through life without screaming, especially in the middle of this whole pan pizza we can’t manage to get out of.
It was a CNBC story about former hedge fund CEO and current billionaire Ray Dalio’s recent crediting of his massive successes to meditating twice a day for 20 minutes at a time, using a mantra he learned as part of his involvement in Transcendental Meditation (TM). He says that in those sessions, at the beginning and end of the day, he repeats his personal mantra, sitting “there in peace and you repeat that mantra over and over again,” he says, until he’s sent into a state of transcendence that he describes like this: “You’re peaceful. You’re quiet. You’re not awake, but you’re not asleep.”
That sounds amazing, like it would absolutely contribute to a state of focus that would inform not only that special, silent time, but the rest of your day with a sense of intention. I am happy that this has been meaningful and helpful to Mr. Dalio, and although he can’t share his mantra, I’m sure he believes that sharing, at least, the practice he literally associates with his success, he can help others be successful, too.
And yes, while having time to focus in peace and hear oneself think can make or break your day and have physical and mental health benefits, it’s also true that most folks, at least the ones that I know, can absolutely not do so regularly at a dedicated time, at least not in 20 minute chunks. Hell, did I mention I’m only able to write this post in one chunk because my kid is asleep, and I don’t know how long that’s going to be for?
I am a single mother who works from home, and whose productivity increases exponentially when my child is asleep or not around. (Maybe this would have been helpful advice to start following in my childless 20s, but I’m all out of time machines.) I have to carve those moments to do yoga, or write, or even write down the things I’m supposed to be writing on my calendar, around the things I have to do for other people, including my kid, my mom who is my co-parent, and my family, friends and writing clients.
Let me give you an example - I am training for a 10K for my birthday, and usually run when my kid’s in school, or when my mom is here to hang out with him. But for the next week, there’s no school (and now my son’s winter break’s two days longer so that staff can get Covid tested) and we’re on travel mode, so I can’t tell you when or if I’m going to be able to run.
So what do I do, besides give up, which I am not doing? The same thing that normal, ordinary folks have had to do, since the beginning of time, even pre-Peter Pan, do get stuff done - adjust. Like I said, being able to meditate or pray or yoga or run or whatever your centering looks like is beneficial. But it doesn’t have to look like the practice of a billionaire, because you are not a billionaire (at least I assume you’re not) and if you can’t be expected to spend money like one, you probably can’t spend time like one either.
So when do you do it? Whenever the heck you can. Here are some of the situations in which I take tiny moments for myself during the day (I won’t stay “stealing” because it’s MY TIME.)
Setting my alarm for a half-hour before I get my kid up to do anything me-centric, whether it’s working on my novel or these newsletters, stretching, losing badly in my online trivia league, praying or just watching FBI or other shows I can’t watch with an 8-year-old. As long as it’s for and about me.
Walking my son to school and using that as my warmup, and immediately beginning my run the minute he hits the school doors, or taking a long walk with one of my best friends on my earbuds, which has become not only our weekly phone date but a way to multitask fitness.
Listening to podcasts that, again, have words I don’t want my kid to hear, whenever I’m in the car alone, which reminds me that I am a real person who maintains interests that aren’t just about other people.
Getting my steps in whenever I’m on the phone at home, especially when I’m on hold.
This isn’t meditation as some people think of it, but each of these things centers me, helps me relax and breathe. Each reminds me of my connection to my breath, to my spirit and sense of humor, as well as the spirits and senses of other people and of nature. I know that even as a non-billionaire I have the privilege of working from home and making my own schedule, as well as reliable transportation and WiFi, so even my suggestions don’t work for everyone.
Here’s the thing- that’s OK! If you can sit for 30 seconds at a time and think about your day, or lock yourself in a bathroom without your kids or partner banging on the door and do Words With Friends on your phone, that’s meditation. That’s connecting. Those cobbled-together moments might not add up to 40 minutes. But they’re what you can do right now.
And that’s what success looks like.