Happy Valentine's Day without being weird about it being Valentine's Day!
Celebrate, or don't! It's your deal! Love y'all either way!
I love myself. Other people love me, too. That’s a good thing.
There are traditionally three types of people on Valentine’s Day - those celebrating in either grand or tiny-sweet ways with their partners; those who wish they had partners but don’t, and either wallow at home and try not to think about it or decide to be positive and hang with their platonic friends for, like, Galentine’s Day or Dudentine’s Day (a thing I just made up); and those who think the whole thing is a scam created by the Hallmark industrial complex and the floral industry and Celine Dion and they’re kinda mad about it.
I’ve spent a good part of my adulthood in the second category, and the best part of said adulthood in the first - today is the 13th anniversary of my first official date with my late husband, Scott, which was definitely a grand gesture sort of event involving a fancy restaurant, organic roses and lollipops and making out on the beach talking about “Days of Our Lives” villains (The Phoenix forever!) I would pretend sometimes that I was in the third category, but mostly because I was really, really in the second one and was, again, super mad about it.
But today, on the 50th Valentine’s Day that I have been on the planet, I think I’m in a whole new fourth category- people who’d like to be in a relationship and aren’t but are, for once, treating this day just like any other day, happy for the people who have someone, sad for those who are sad about not having one, and then just living my life. I don’t feel the need to either mope about being single or replace it with some other celebration so I can pretend I don’t care about Valentine’s Day. I like it when I celebrate it. But I’m not today. And that’s OK.
I can honestly say that I’m not jealous of people who have what I don’t - I actually had it for a while, and it was awesome, and it’s no one else’s fault that I don’t anymore. At the same time, I’m holding space for the moments today where, even for a minute, I might get sad and miss my guy. But I will know that it’s OK. It’s a cool memory. He was cool. I’ll make new ones - different ones - with someone else at some point. But not today. And that’s cool, too.
I guess what I’m saying is that this day exists to remind people of their relationship status, and also to remind them that there are special products they can buy to celebrate whatever status that is, from loving someone else to loving yourself, to loving your friends and your cats and BTS. They’re gonna sell you a card. Don’t you worry about that! They gonna SELL YOU A CARD.
Here’s the thing, though - you’re amazing no matter what. If you were single yesterday, and you’re gonna be single tomorrow, you don’t have to feel differently about yourself today because of the calendar. I used to stare at February 14 and imagine that it was some magical sign that I was supposed to be with someone, or that it was a big-ass beacon on my head that I wasn’t.
But that’s dumb. This day doesn’t define you, or the worthiness of you as a partner or as a person to be loved. It’s just a day. And if you choose to celebrate it, or ignore it, that’s your deal. But know this…
You are loved. I love you. Of course I do. You’re reading my newsletter. That’s the start of a great relationship.
And you don’t even have to buy me a card!